The desire to be in a relationship is quite often fuelled by at least one of our basic human needs, these being love, certainty and significance. Each of us craves one of these more highly than the others and the partnerships we make in life strongly indicate our preference. For those seeking love or significance with a mate, there is the romantic ideal of spending time together, sharing common interests and communicating in a way that’s unique to the partnership. Indeed, it’s the stuff that movies are made of, but what Hollywood takes for granted is the time required to achieve it.
Get honest about what’s really at stake
One of the most efficient ways to begin merging your two worlds of love and business is by changing the way you think about your time and relationship. Stop making an effort and start making a commitment to love. Making an effort to be available implies you’re doing something very difficult and inconvenient to the natural course of your life, that you’re somehow removed from the benefits and are mostly doing it for someone or something else. When we speak of commitment however, it cuts to the very core of what we ultimately want for ourselves. Psychologically, the idea of commitment takes us directly to the impact that our choice will have on our whole future. It forces us to be conscious and accountable for every decision we make. Ask yourself honestly, do you really want to take time away from your business and commit it to this new partner?
“I work long hours, have children I need to see and I travel constantly”
To successfully merge your current life and your new love interest, you need to train yourself into accepting that business, family and love are at very least, of equal importance to you. What does this mean? It means that when you’re at work you proactively schedule time to communicate with your partner. It means your Personal Assistant blocks out a breakfast, brunch or lunch once a week, schedules a dinner twice a month or a personal phone call before your next meeting. It means you set up reminder alerts to text or Skype your partner and find out how they are, you let them know they’re valued and in your thoughts. Remember, it’s not always necessary to give people large amounts of time. If they understand it’s the one thing you have in limited supply, then small and thoughtful quantities will be greatly appreciated.
Whilst this may sound like a regimented and prescriptive way to love, you have to be mindful that it’s only the minimum requirement. Doing more is always preferable, but if one week it’s not possible, then this as a baseline is better than nothing.
This is who I am!
If you’re an extremely busy person who is single or newly in a relationship, then one would hope you communicate your time challenges to your new partner from day one. In partnerships like this where minutes in the day are at a premium, it’s vital that you’re clear about the type of relationship you can have. It gives potential matches a choice whether they want to be part of the whirlwind that is you. It also lessens any guilt you’ll have around not being the ever-present partner someone was expecting.