Daily Archives: January 6, 2016

The Key to Balancing Your Busy Life With Your New Partner

Article commissioned by elite match making service – Berkeley International 

For members of the dating world who have everything except time, the logistics of creating solid and meaningful connections can be the hardest challenge of all. Love and business represent two very distinct worlds and the necessity of syncing calendars can be a hindrance to any dating at all, let alone spontaneity. The key to success however isn’t found in how well you’re able to juggle these two worlds, but in how well you’re able to unite them.

The desire to be in a relationship is quite often fuelled by at least one of our basic human needs, these being love, certainty and significance. Each of us craves one of these more highly than the others and the partnerships we make in life strongly indicate our preference. For those seeking love or significance with a mate, there is the romantic ideal of spending time together, sharing common interests and communicating in a way that’s unique to the partnership. Indeed, it’s the stuff that movies are made of, but what Hollywood takes for granted is the time required to achieve it.

Get honest about what’s really at stake
One of the most efficient ways to begin merging your two worlds of love and business is by changing the way you think about your time and relationship. Stop making an effort and start making a commitment to love. Making an effort to be available implies you’re doing something very difficult and inconvenient to the natural course of your life, that you’re somehow removed from the benefits and are mostly doing it for someone or something else. When we speak of commitment however, it cuts to the very core of what we ultimately want for ourselves. Psychologically, the idea of commitment takes us directly to the impact that our choice will have on our whole future. It forces us to be conscious and accountable for every decision we make. Ask yourself honestly, do you really want to take time away from your business and commit it to this new partner?

“I work long hours, have children I need to see and I travel constantly”
To successfully merge your current life and your new love interest, you need to train yourself into accepting that business, family and love are at very least, of equal importance to you. What does this mean? It means that when you’re at work you proactively schedule time to communicate with your partner. It means your Personal Assistant blocks out a breakfast, brunch or lunch once a week, schedules a dinner twice a month or a personal phone call before your next meeting. It means you set up reminder alerts to text or Skype your partner and find out how they are, you let them know they’re valued and in your thoughts. Remember, it’s not always necessary to give people large amounts of time. If they understand it’s the one thing you have in limited supply, then small and thoughtful quantities will be greatly appreciated.

Whilst this may sound like a regimented and prescriptive way to love, you have to be mindful that it’s only the minimum requirement. Doing more is always preferable, but if one week it’s not possible, then this as a baseline is better than nothing.

This is who I am!
If you’re an extremely busy person who is single or newly in a relationship, then one would hope you communicate your time challenges to your new partner from day one. In partnerships like this where minutes in the day are at a premium, it’s vital that you’re clear about the type of relationship you can have. It gives potential matches a choice whether they want to be part of the whirlwind that is you. It also lessens any guilt you’ll have around not being the ever-present partner someone was expecting.

New Year, New Thoughts

There is a fundamental flaw in the creation of New Year’s resolutions that most people will miss for their entire lives. It’s one of those bizarre repetitive behaviours that we continue to do without question, like saying we won’t over-indulge or spend too much, all the while forgetting our not so successful results from previous years. Whilst this mistake we’re making can be harmless if our resolutions aren’t essential to health or happiness, it is still one worth correcting for the times that do matter.

 

new-years-day-1054594_1920

 

As radical as it may at first sound, the true reason that your New Year’s resolutions usually fall flat is because you’re focusing purely on action. We’re all familiar with the phrase ‘actions speak louder than words’ but whilst hopeful, the list of what you’re going to do is largely impractical. At the root of all conscious action is the way you’re thinking and it truly is a force to be reckoned with. Put simply; if you want to eat less, exercise more or have better relationships, then joining a slimming club, the gym and a dating agency isn’t going to cut it. Not longterm. Your time in January is best served investigating 1) the thought patterns making you so emotional that food is the only comfort 2) the mental process keeping you on the sofa when you could otherwise be taking a walk or 3) the reason your relationships haven’t worked thus far. If your New Year’s resolution is not about addressing the root cause of why you haven’t already achieved the things you now desire, then real progress is much, much harder.

Alongside the thought process that tells us we ‘just need to commit’ to something in order for it to work, is the one telling us that willpower in large enough doses will conquer all. This is an immense amount of pressure to put on yourself and it’s helpful to remember where willpower actually originates from. Yes, you guessed it, from the mind. If you’ve had a thought which for most of your life has told you it’s not practical to pursue the job of your dreams, then a new thought urging you to ‘go for it!’ will have a lot of groundwork to cover. It’s more productive to address the old thought first, so the new one doesn’t have such a mega fight on it’s hands.

 

list-820965_640

 

So this year, when sitting down to write your list of resolutions, approach it from a different angle and try something new. Rather than focusing on what you want to do or the new behaviours you want to adopt, write a list of possible thought patterns which may have hindered these things in the first place. It may be challenges around self-doubt, a lack of confidence or even personal beliefs that are limiting your true potential. Whatever you come up with, deal with that underlying cause first, and then go join the gym.