40, single & ready for a baby

So you’re pushing 40, you have no man, and you’re desperate for a child. You’re wondering if it will ever happen, if you’re past it, if you’re asking for too much.

I’m here to let you know that ‘asking for too much’, is not your problem. If you want someone to sweep you off your feet, then you should expect it, without shame. If you want children and you’re not in your 20s, then contrary to what the media says, you should go for it, without shame.

The only caveat is, by God make sure you have your shit together first.

For single women of a certain age, no matter how positive or spiritually aligned we are, it’s really easy to become pessimistic about experiencing the type of romantic relationship we desire. Not only are we conditioned to believe what society has taught us, that we’re almost past it, that new love in our 30s or 40s is more compromise than passion and more settling than exciting, we also carry a sense of guilt for not ‘making it’ and having what everyone else has.

By the same token, when it comes to having the relationship of our dreams, to meeting the partner who will love us unconditionally and satisfy our desires, we focus way too much on the external. Whilst it’s important we visualise what he might look like, how he’s going to treat us or how magical our union will be, this isn’t the be all and end all.

When I ask that you make sure to have your shit together, what I mean is venturing internally and looking at why perhaps you are where you are, why you always attract the cheater, the passive aggressive, the distant or absent partner, the one who doesn’t want to commit or have children. And you need to look at your own relationship self too, why you reject certain men, run away from love or perhaps fear rejection.

At worst, people usually believe the patterns in their love lives are coincidence and at best, they believe it’s out of their hands. Neither are true.

So, if you’re looking for your own version of Mr Perfect For Me, then ask yourself – are you actually ready for him? Have you healed from previous heartbreak? Have you offloaded the piece of baggage you’ve been carrying since you were 23? Have you accepted that you’re not perfect and never can be?

Until we as women are making strides in our own mental and emotional health, we’re just not ready for great, truly healthy and lasting love. We are in fact blocked from it. Unless we’re looking for rescuer guy who’s going to show up and make everything okay, the task is ours to make a start on our own emotional wellness.

To be clear, I’m not saying that you need to have all your character quirks and neurosis completely eradicated in order to find love. What I am saying however, is that you stand a better chance if you come at relationships from a place of self awareness, not just with the willingness to change and heal, but also having taken some of the actions that go with it.

 

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