A Short: Study your partner’s mother, his relationship with his sister

Anyone who’s had a session with me knows that when it comes to generational, familial, or ancestral trauma, I’m wild about it. Come to talk to me about a particular issue and the likelihood is that we’ll trace it right back through to your great, great grandmother. If there’s a thread, I’ll follow it with you as far back, or as close to home as we need to go.

For this reason, it staggers me, that I’ve been so blind previously in my own relationships. Back then, I didn’t have the level of training or experience that I do now, but my hindsight is definitely 20:20.

I have dated men with mothers who were absent, dysfunctional, did not like to be touched, or who were unable to express any real emotion other than intrigue or anger.

Some of these men also had sisters with low self-esteem, zero real confidence or, sisters who were hard as nails, self-consumed and took no prisoners.

I never, back then, saw a partner’s inability to fully let go with me unless intoxicated, or his inability to connect with basic emotions, or disconnect from his own perspective, as anything other than a personality trait, one beginning and ending with him.  The only generational link I made, was thinking whether it was the example I wanted set for any children we might have together.

I spent so much time thinking forward, that I never looked back, or sideways.

We can all fail to differentiate when our behaviours or mindset stem from a life we’ve experienced or been shown.  If you’re reading this however, take it as an introduction into the world of connecting such clear and present dots.

Be careful when making judgments about partners, if looking at their qualities in isolation. If you really want to understand, and honour the lovers that come into your life, look to their whole experiences as people. There is so much information, so much explanation, simply sitting in plain sight.

 

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