All Posts by Tori

I am confident, I am a mess, I am loved

So for those of you who don’t know – I am a really strong person. I have been through some crazy experiences that quite frankly, I know some people wouldn’t have survived, both emotionally or physically. I am educated, I am successful, I am able to stand on my own two feet, and if push comes to shove, I can be fierce as hell.


But here’s the thing –


I can also crumble at the drop of a hat. I doubt myself about something, maybe once a day. I wonder if I am doing enough, if I am being enough. I think that I should study even more, get another certificate. I think that I should have dressed up more for my man, last week when I had the chance. I think that I should earn even more because I sold the house I thought was my dream home, and I haven’t quite made enough for the next one.


Dear friends, I am one of the most contradictory women you will ever meet. Spontaneous, set in my ways. Aloof, deeply open. Loving, incredibly dismissive. Compassionate, cold. Motivated, passive. Inquisitive, apathetic.


My point?


My point is that amongst all of this, all of the idiosyncrasies and the personality deficiencies mixed right in with the chunks of gold, I have never had trouble finding a man. A man that accepts me for who I am. A man who rolls his eyes as I dance manically around the room, and who wipes my tears when I sit still, quietly contemplating my next move in life.


This is a message to all women trying constantly to present themselves as neatly packaged and perfect specimens of womanhood.


Do not dumb down your eccentricities. Do not quieten the storm that keeps your personality blowing wildly through this universe. Do not reject the feminine energy that has built your business empire, or the masculine energy that has stopped you giving up, or giving in. You are not too confident, but yes, you may be too confident for him. You are not too independent, but yes, you may be too confident for him. You are not too vulnerable, but yes, you may be too vulnerable for him.


And so, he is not the one.


Accept yourself. Raise your vibration. Attract the men waiting on that level. And then rise to the next one, together.

How to create a connection with him [Transcript]

Straight away,

  • ask him the questions no one else does
  • talk about what his dreams are, not just where he wants to be in 5 years, but what soul imprint is he trying to leave on the earth
  • Ask what he would do if...


Ask him what he values, needs.

Ask him what makes him feel like a man, strong, supported.

Encourage his ambitions, show him how to strive… whilst still giving you what you need.


Make no conversation taboo or out of bounds.

Find out what turns him on, not just in you, in other women. What’s his thing? Don’t be threatened. Share yourselves, laugh together.


Turn off the TV, the music, silence the phone.

Hold hands together. Meditate and pray together.

Read to each other, bathe with one another.


Sit on the carpet, share a meal there together, get grounded.


Have him try new things for you, bake a cake for you.


Connect with a man by owning all facets of your femininity and not being afraid to explore all facets of his masculinity.


Invite the universe into your relationship and explore it together, right from the centre of your connection.


This is all.


[Catch the live video here]

The challenge of asking and receiving in relationships

A lot of us are taught from a young age that we have to work for the things we want, that we have to work hard to reap the rewards we desire. In the same vein, we’re taught that if we don’t ask, we don’t get. And so, we come to understand that working hard is just one aspect of receiving, and that sometimes we also need to simply state our requirements.

So why is it, that when it comes to relationships, we have adopted the belief about hard work so spectacularly well – devastatingly so, and failed miserably at the part where we ask for what we want?

‘Relationships are hard work’

There are common phrases that will always abound, such as ‘relationships are hard work… marriage is hard work… love is hard work.’ I’m here to set a record straight for anyone who might assume that as a relationship expert, I might agree with this. I don’t. When you’re doing it right, relationships are smart work. It’s when we forget ourselves, forget our worth, our values, that it becomes hard work. The idea that you must work strenuously to achieve the sort of relationship you desire is missing the point entirely. If the set up is correct, meaning that if you have come at it from a place of high consciousness, awareness and emotional health, the focus will be on relationship maintenance. This is because you have done, or are doing, the hard work already, as individuals.

This is what is hard work

The hard work is in challenging why you still believe that love will only come to you if you bleed for it, if you work at being less than you are, less intimidating, less wealthy, less needy, less smart, less independent. The hard work is in establishing why receiving from a loved one, from the universe, from yourself, is something you even need to wrestle with.

Question; how hard have you made yourself work, do you make yourself work, in order to deserve your own love? Will you love yourself more at a particular weight, with a particular education, house, car? If these are the terms that you must live by, then of course convincing someone else to love you is going to be even tougher.


Ask, and ye shall receive

Excuse the catholic upbringing, but now as a student of the universe, I see that it really is that simple. In relationships, we have learned that asking means we are needy, desperate, pushy, unlady-like. In love we have learned that asking means we are putting pressure on lovers, that we are rejecting what has been offered, graced upon us, and that we are proving ourselves to be the spoiled, wanting-too-much-woman a man has always tried to avoid.

We believe that to make ourselves worth it, deserving of things, we need to make ourselves better, always and in all ways. We must make sure our hair and nails are always on point, we must be the correct physical proportions, the right level of vulnerable, so that we are able to handle our own bills, home, career… but not so well that we are threatening.

And so when the desired relationship eludes us, we focus on the best hints, the best tips, tricks, disguises offered to get it. Very few of us, are able to simply stand still and ask the question of a lover ‘Will you give me…?‘

So how about this?

If you’re someone who has issues with receiving, think about what you are happy to receive and then question why it is easier to accept this, than the other things you really want. Question what your heart most desires from love and how many times you have directly asked for it. Question when you have bitten your tongue, or changed your choices. Why is it that you are blocked in this way – and what have you done to change?


2 Reasons you haven’t found the one [transcript]

Facebook Live transcript. Original video here:


Hi guys, Tori here, Mindset Coach and Relationship Expert. So I want to talk to you today about why you haven’t found ‘the one’. You’re probably thinking there are a thousand different reasons. Either you’re blaming it on the men out there, or the lack of good men, or you’re blaming yourself but, I really want to help you understand a little deeper why you haven’t met ‘Mr. Fabulous’ as I call him, or the man of your dreams.


So the first thing is, what women tend to do is they will lead with an energy of lack. So they will lead from a place of, I am not good enough to be with the guy that I want. I’m going to have to compromise to be with the guy I want, I don’t look the way I should. You know, I am too fat, I’m too short. Also there are situations where we don’t actually want to risk being hurt again, so we lead with that energy and it’s a very very fearful place to come from.


The second thing is that we tend to look for a type. The type might be, he has to be tall, he has to be athletic, he has to have a nice car, he has to be rich – whatever floats your boat.


Those are the two reasons why often we haven’t found the one. Now, that sort of energy, that’s going to attract someone who fits in with the vibe that you’re pushing out – what you need to be doing is going deep within yourself and saying well “yeah I’d like to lose a couple more pounds but actually, I’m really okay as I am and I’d like to meet somebody who accepts me as I am.” You also need to think about your past experiences, so yes, you may have had a shitty ex but its down to you to say, “Do you know what, my ex was shitty, he did X Y and Z. But I know there is better out there and I’m waiting for him to arrive”. So it’s a very different type of approach, and in terms of having a type, I want you to understand that having a type hasn’t boded well for you so far! If your type was so fabulous, if he was such a perfect fit then why are you single right now?


So what you need to be doing is going a bit deeper, if you think about it in terms of – let’s say a house, let’s say you build a house, if the walls are constantly falling down, you’re going to have to start looking at the foundations. You’re not just going to keep rebuilding them and hoping for the best, you have to go a lot deeper, you know, I’m all about deep diving and actually thinking about what else could be the issue. Aside from what you’re doing on a conscious level, what else is going on in side that is making you repeat these same patterns?


So, that’s the first thing, you need to raise your vibration. The second thing is look at the foundations of your patterns, of the guys that you’re choosing, really start to think on a level that is not victim based, okay?


Now, what I also want you to do is to focus, not on the type of guy that you want, but focus on how you want him to make you feel. So rather than having blonde hair or having a great job, how do you want this guy to make you feel. Until you can answer that question it’s really difficult to have someone fill that space for you, you have to be able to answer that question – before you expect someone else to provide you with what you’re asking for.


So what I want you to do now, is I want you to just play about with these ideas, you have the idea of energy to start with, the idea that what kind of energy are you putting out in the world matters. Just spend a day, spend a day smiling at every person you see and really pick up on what you’re given back. And just take that internally and think well actually how can I apply that to the way that I’m dating?


Also in terms of having a type, I want you to just go through some of the exes that you’ve dated, you can do it in your head, you can do it on pen and paper but, what thing do they all have that was missing? Was it that they didn’t want to commit, was it that they made you feel rejected, it perhaps just didn’t work out, right? There could be so many different reasons for why relationships end, let’s say it’s commitment, if it was an issue with commitment – was his lack of commitment less important than the way looked? I just want you to think about that. So let’s say your thing is a guy who has to have black hair. Would you rather he had black hair, or would you rather he was into you 100% and committed?


So these are the questions I want you to start asking yourself, and just do these two exercises, you don’t have to have all the answers straight away, but once you do those two exercises you can start to get to grips with what else is at play in the way that you operate in the dating world.

And for more answers you can come into the group, we can talk about it, but at first I just want you to spend a little bit of time with yourself getting to know yourself. Really take some time to explore things that you perhaps haven’t addressed before, or things that you’ve kept hidden.


So any questions as per usual just send me a message, email, messenger – whatever you need, and we can discuss it further, in the mean time, see you later.




“No man will ever be good enough for my daughter.”

I heard a father today tell his very young daughter that no man will ever be good enough for her. The sentiment behind the remark was heartfelt, I could tell it emerged from a place of love, of caring, of protection. It went something like this:


‘No man will ever be good enough for you, my girl. They’re going to have to get through me first, and I’ll be armed and ready.’


The man said this with pride. As he spoke, you’d be hard-pressed not to envy a daughter with such a caring male figure in her life. What struck me however, was the message being planted, ever so subtly, into her precious mind. A mind still collecting the data needed to programme its thought processes and beliefs, for the rest of her life.


The message, taken at face value, was this:


‘There is no man in this whole, entire world, that is really good. He will always be lacking something, or have too much of something else. And if you think he’s good you’re wrong, because I’m your father and I know, it’s just not possible that he’s good enough for you.’




Wow. Wow. Wow.


If this were true, by any stretch of the imagination, does it then follow that our daughters are destined to settle for someone inferior? Perhaps they should not even try too hard, because actually, whomever they bring home is going to cause friction and ultimately, they won’t even be worth the trouble.


Messages like this, no matter how common, or how innocent, are ones that I would not tolerate around a daughter of mine, or a son, if the situation were reversed.


I would not tolerate it because I am a woman and I have found a man who is good, period. On top of that, he is most certainly good enough for me. I would not allow the belief that the man, or men, who will love and cherish my daughter, support and respect her, simply don’t’ exist. If this were true, what would it say about my relationship with her father, maybe that he was the best choice of a bad bunch?


Words are such powerful tools. We need to be mindful of the impressions they leave. Repeating things because it’s just what’s said is, at best, lazy and at worst, potentially damaging. By telling our daughters that no one will ever be good enough for them, what we’re really trying to say is something else entirely. I would like to believe, that it’s something closer to this:


I love you so much, my girl, that I can’t imagine watching you be with someone who doesn’t deserve you. I love you so much, that I will always do everything within my power to protect you. I love you so much, that if there is ever any reason for you to doubt your worth or your significance in this world, I will be right there to remind you, as well as whoever made you question it in the first place. I will do my best to ensure that you have the tools to choose your partners well, to tell bad from good, and to learn from it. I love you so much, that no matter whoever lets you down, you can always trust that daddy will be here for you.


We need to remove the threats, the machismo and the implicit violence that familiarises our daughters with the idea of men as possessors, rather than sharers in our freedom. Once we do this, the message changes to one of pure love, self-respect, the setting of standards and trust in themselves.


Let’s just say what we mean, and show them that’s okay too.


Why we should love fear

Fear tends to get a mixed reception in the world today, with opinions largely depending on the circles in which people spend most of their time. There are some for whom it’s perceived as the gatekeeper to everything they want in life, others mark it as little more than a warning sign, instructing them to avoid something completely or to take an alternative route. Rarely do the masses acknowledge fear for fear’s sake, or recognise it as a state in itself, rather than a means to an end.


The perceptions of fear as gatekeeper or warning signal, whilst highly effective, carry with them an element of sadness not always fully appreciated by those holding the perceptions. They do so because they fail to recognise fear as the marvel it is, the wondrous tool that our mind and body use to communicate with us. Once we step back and detach fear from everything we so easily link it to, only then are we able to study it for what it is. Only then is it possible to appreciate fear as the true gift it is.


A hello from fear

The type of fear being discussed is not the sort found on a bungee jump or diving out an airplane, it’s not orchestrated or invited in as a thrill. What we’re dealing with here is the fear that shows up unexpectedly, in situations over which we have little control.


As with all feelings, fear will present itself in extremely different ways, depending on the individual experiencing it and the situation they’re in. Sweaty palms, heart palpitations, immobility, aggression, tears, hyper-ventilation, vomiting, shaking, these are some of the more obvious physical expressions we may encounter.


On the flipside, it can be as subtle as voices in our head telling us we’re not worthy of something, or not good enough for an opportunity that comes our way. Often it will show up under a guise of self-protection and self-preservation, for reasons more rooted in evolution than the present moment. When it does this, it leaves us grateful to it for not allowing us to fail, be wrong, or make a mockery of ourselves. This can often be a huge detriment to our lives and the experiences we need in order to grow.


Becoming friends with fear

Learning to become familiar with your own symptoms and fully immersing yourself in them, instead of immediately trying to escape, can be the beginning of understanding yourself on unprecedented levels.


It’s true that the hardest action to take sometimes is to sit inside a feeling or emotion, especially if it’s painful, traumatic or challenging to your fundamental sense of safety. Having said this however, just as you might sit silently and patiently with a raging lover or a distressed friend, by simply holding space and remaining present it’s possible to deepen your bond. You can also deepen the knowledge about yourself and the relationship you share. Give fear the same time and patience as you would any other good friend. Use all the strength you have and know it to be worthwhile.


The intentions of fear

Every feeling that we have serves a particular purpose in our evolution as individuals and consequently our wider consciousness as a species. If we can accept that love enables internal growth, then fear could be seen as enabling huge internal communication. Both are on a scale that is difficult to surpass. The difference between them is that the fear isn’t something we speak about fondly, as we do love.


Unless we’re already tuned in to the importance of fear, it’s not something we genuinely seek out and in fact it usually finds us unawares. To begin to build a relationship with it rather than in retaliation to it, one needs to learn to treat it like any other communication we might encounter. In the same way it’s advisable to be fully present and conscious when we engage with others, for example, the way a person moves, their pauses in speech, their intention, so too should we be aware of all the elements involved in how fear chooses to communicate with us.


Working with fear

The best way to use any feeling is to fully embrace it, to learn all the different strategies, tools and skills that are helpful when exploring it. There are few hacks to fear that will serve you half as well as aiming straight through the heart of it.


When you find yourself in a place where you’re either feeling your usual symptoms or anticipate the onset of them, take an active part in the communication and begin a conversation with yourself. Ask, what does this feeling say about who I am, in this moment in my life? What is it telling me that I’m missing or have too much of? Where are the vulnerabilities in my mental or emotional armour that have allowed fear to shine through so brightly? What is it showing me about my psychological and physiological make up? What is it showing me that I have forgotten to remember?


For a moment, forget about escaping the distress and make a study of yourself. Go deep enough, for long enough, until you’re able to separate the fear from its message. Recognise they’re separate things, in the way that the love you experience with a person is different from that person.


Respecting the relationship

If love is what keeps us all connected and is what makes the world go round, then fear may be described as what keeps us disconnected and stagnant in life. Whilst there may not seem like much to respect in a feeling capable of this, without it we would lose a key player in our survival kit.


Fear has, since the dawn of our time, had the key function of keeping us safe. Although some of its manifestations can now be somewhat extreme in contrast to the moment at hand, learning to respect it and become familiar with its purpose does make fear, ironically, something to be less afraid of.


To begin your relationship with it, on equal and mutually beneficial terms, take a moment to sit alone with yourself and ask, what are my usual fear symptoms? When did they last show up uninvited and how did my body and mind react to the moment? Start the dialogue and see where it leads you. Stay as much in your body as you can and draw your answers from the feelings evoked.


Is your negativity draining the people around you?

All of us, no matter how naturally chirpy, bubbly, light-hearted or fun, can go through moments of negativity. For some it’s confined to particular topics or situations, like work, relationships or our in-laws. For others, there is no rhyme or reason and it just depends on the day or mood we’re in. This is perfectly normal.

The kind of negativity to be discussed here is the more permanent type. The sort that has, for whatever reason, become engrained into someone’s personality and appears to seep into every fibre of their being. It can present itself as complaining, as being realistic, as being honest, or a whole host of other euphemisms they choose to use.

The question is, what type of person do you think you are, and would your closest friends and family agree? Is your own negativity part time, or do people see it as a full time character trait?



Let’s be clear, this is not about people who are truly going through difficult and negative times in their life. It’s about a state of being and communicating that takes little provocation or outside influence. It’s worth bearing in mind also, that negative people aren’t always aware of their behaviour. Rather than tell them, it can be easier for others to limit their time with them, or to avoid sensitive topics all together.


Getting to know yourself

If you’re not sure what people think of you, why not come right out and ask them? If this is far too direct for you, then there are also some signals you can look out for to get an idea of how friends or colleagues view you. If more than a few of the below statements resonate, or one does a lot, think about what it means and whether or not there are some changes you want to make to your behaviour.

  • People tell you things such as you’re so negative, or that you’re so hard on yourself or others
  • People often ask you if there were any good points to a story or experience you’re sharing
  • When listening to someone else’s experiences, they frequently need to remind you that it’s not a competition
  • Friends or family often try to have you focus on the different, positive side of a situation, rather than the story you’re telling or want to tell
  • People close to you frequently preface conversations with I need you to be positive
  • You have a reputation for being cynical or judgemental or lacking tact

Another way to check your own behaviour is to think about the last time you actually encouraged another adult to do something, told them they were capable, and that regardless of your own experiences or what you’ve heard, they have your full support.


How it feels for the people around you

To be on the receiving end of negativity is one of the most draining places to be. There are times when you’re literally able to feel the energy draining from your body and it can result in the desire to stop communication all together.

If you know people glaze over when you speak, sigh, or they become more and more withdrawn, start to pay attention to how you’re responding to the things they tell you. Recognise if you’re one of these people who only moves between outright negativity and the low tones of oh, good luck with that.

Practice being excited for someone – practice stepping outside your view of how terrible or complicated everything is.


Different lives, different perceptions

There are some people with lives that unfortunately seem to warrant the amount of negativity they emit into the world. They’re used to being let down or things rarely going their way. Whilst empathy may be your first port of call, be careful for your own sake how much of it you give away.

Some people aren’t satisfied with sharing their perceptions of the world and are actively waiting for company in their negativity. Some even pretend that their view is fact or the norm and that you’re simply yet to experience the truth of life that they have. If you’re a generally positive person then don’t buy it. Spot it quickly and protect yourself as much as you need to.


How to keep your relationship private, without it being a secret

Article commissioned by Macbeth Matchmaking

For clients enveloped in the world of over-zealous journalists and the desperation of newspapers to provide sensationalist headlines, privacy is one of the biggest concerns they have. As with the rest of the population, entering into new relationships can be a rollercoaster of emotions, both daunting and exciting all in the same instant. The added pressure however of having your new situation tainted by the possibility of excessive exposure can trigger unhealthy levels of self-protection. As a means to pre-empt and understand what is healthy and what is not, you’ll need to learn to distinguish the sometimes deceptive line between privacy and secrecy.


The difference

Regardless of how well-known or not that you are, everyone values privacy around something in their life. Reasons can vary from simply not liking to be asked questions, to embarrassment about certain subjects or trying to protect yourself and loved ones. Secrecy on the other hand, is a whole different ball game.


Aside from birthday surprises, gifts or other glorious life events we find so hard to keep to ourselves, secrets tend to result from fear. It can be a fear of being viewed in a certain light, fear of losing your reputation, or of being openly confronted with things you’re not ready to deal with publicly.


Why do you need either?

Ask yourself, why do you want your relationship to be private? Asking this basic question as often as possible, and answering as honestly as possible, will stop any thoughts you have from becoming unchallenged habits. Left undefined and unchecked, privacy can quickly turn into secrecy, and self-awareness is the only way to stay consciously connected to your relationship goals.


When it comes to dating there is a natural tendency to want to see how things progress before sharing news with loved ones or the world. If your aim is to love and date with minimum interference and outside opinion, then this can be a really positive choice and experience to have. Even when it gets to the point where your private times are happening in public places, it helps to remember that between the two of you there is little that need change. Whilst this may seem easier said than done, like everything else worth working for, there are tools and strategies that can be developed to help you achieve it.


Fear of the fall out from exposure, or the presumptions of others, will encourage the quickest detour into secrecy. Before, or even as this is happening, be sure it’s a road you want to take. Hardship doesn’t automatically mean you should hide away. If you do, it may mean you start making choices based around what is most unlikely to get you noticed, instead of around what your relationship or life actually needs in order to progress.


Secrecy: what’s the worst that could happen?

Asking yourself, what is the absolute worst case scenario if people find out about my relationship? can take a lot of pressure off decisions you’ve been making based around fear. Whether it’s that your children will find out before you’re ready to tell them, or that people will get hurt, there are clearly situations where privacy is necessary. However, avoid secrecy by giving them an expiry date. It can be at a particular milestone, or what you consider to be a suitable length of time.


When a relationship becomes more about the fear of exposure than the desire for togetherness, something will begin to erode away. Fear takes more from us and will burn us out far quicker than love ever could, and you’ll end up creating your own alternate version of the worst thing that could happen.


The long-term impact of secrecy

Whilst maintaining privacy can really strengthen a relationship, secrecy can be detrimental. Privacy can be gracefully cultivated and comes with a certain amount of respect. It means you deal with issues internally within the relationship, you learn who you can trust and are careful not to dilute the power between yourselves with the opinions or actions of others.


Secrecy is a weight around a couple’s neck, however light it may start out, it is still there with the potential to grow. It is based on fear and so is the perfect breeding ground for more of it, whether that’s abuse in all its forms or simple stagnation when trying to move forwards.


If you’re ever in doubt as to whether your relationship, or elements of it, are private or secret, go into yourself and check on how the issue makes you feel. Does it weigh down your heart, or give it peace?


Opening up

As mentioned above, when it comes to new love you should have some personal and joint milestones with your partner. This can be as simple as your first public appearance, your first introductions to children or staying at each other’s homes and vacationing together. Giving yourself milestones is a useful cue to keep tabs on whether the relationship is going in the direction you hope for.


Milestones will alert you also to when what perhaps began as privacy, morphs into secrecy. For example, a partner who after a year has not yet officially confirmed your relationship or who will not introduce you to their friends, may have different reasons to what you originally believed.


It’s easy to be swept along from one state to the other, so a good piece of relationship maintenance is knowing when what you were originally protecting has in any way changed, or needs to be re-evaluated. Does the relationship or any element of it still need protecting, or can you now let go and move your energy to something else? Look out for signs of when you can let loose the reigns or make boundaries more flexible.


At a time when images and both real and fake news are so easily shared across social media, the last thing people want is a new situation ruined before even the honeymoon period is over. This being said, take care to not let fear slip in and overtake a budding relationship. Be sure of everything that truly needs to be private, work through any fears involved in secrets and focus on the experience you are having, not other people’s assessment of it.

Why people cheat – a thought for today


When it comes to infidelity, it’s natural for us to first think about how it’s different depending on the gender of the person doing the cheating. We’re also influenced by our ethnic backgrounds and the cultures we’re part of, meaning that further distinctions are made about why cheating happens and the damage it causes.


What very few of us do is look for commonalities or shared experiences of what it is for a person to cheat on another. We divide and categorise the human race in the hope that by separating and labelling people, we’ll whittle life down to a simplicity that is more manageable to understand, accept and live with.


So here’s a thought: what is more useful perhaps is to consider the reason why us humans, as a whole, have issues with infidelity and then to focus on addressing this, rather than topics of gender, race or anything else an individual has no hand in.


If we look at the needs we all have, for significance, attention, security, power, love and the reasons behind self-harm, low self-esteem, low-awareness, addiction and dishonesty, we’re more able to discuss issues from a place of compassion rather than judgement. With compassion comes the space for true understanding. The results may not be as easy to accept, but it gives us the tools to truly enhance and aid our connection with each other.

I’m dating a king, and you better know it


If there’s one path in life that I’ve been able to follow with minimal fear, it has to the one of relationships. There may have been hesitations or doubts, but fear, no. From the very start of my dating life there’s been what you may call an internal compass. I’ve always respected the line between the synchronicity I share with a potential partner and the reality of being with them. I’ve never for a second doubted my self-worth, nor underestimated that of the person I chose to sleep with at night.


I’m not saying it’s been an easy ride, not in the slightest. There has been immeasurable pain and times I made decisions that floored everything I thought was holding my life, our lives, together. I can honestly say however, that I have never entered a union that wasn’t utterly glorious – in its love, its lessons and indeed its pain.


I can also say, with my hand on my heart, that I have only ever dated kings.


To fully understand this, you need to understand what it means to give in a relationship. You also need to know and be fully conscious of what your own quiet and dignified sense of self-worth requires. There’s no way you can live within your worth and not acknowledge that the person you’re with isn’t, by default, someone very special. And if they’re not, there will be personal issues you need to address about yourself.


I consider it my job in a relationship to daily remind my partner, that he is loved, beautiful, respected, appreciated and backed by a heart that will not let him know any less, even in his weakest moments. Dating a king, for me, means kisses on the lips, candle-lit dinners, being the lover, the friend, the carer. It’s a level of love and attention that would be exhausting, if it weren’t for the fact that it is reflected back, tenfold. When two people stand in their power and are continuously encouraged to do so by one another, there is a circle of unity so strong that where it begins and ends is unidentifiable.


What you accept in life, in your relationships, your friendships, your work connections, will always be a direct reflection of how you view yourself and your life at that moment in time. How you treat people will always say more about you than it does them.  So, when you invite someone into the magnificence that you are, let them know how much you value yourself by showing them how special they must have been to get the job.


It’s been my view, my unwavering rule, that if I’m to date a man, share my life with him, then by default he must be nothing less than what I consider royalty. Why would a person, who truly values themselves, be with anyone less?


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