Category Archives for "Relationships [DATE like a DIVA]"

I am confident, I am a mess, I am loved

So for those of you who don’t know – I am a really strong person. I have been through some crazy experiences that quite frankly, I know some people wouldn’t have survived, both emotionally or physically. I am educated, I am successful, I am able to stand on my own two feet, and if push comes to shove, I can be fierce as hell.


But here’s the thing –


I can also crumble at the drop of a hat. I doubt myself about something, maybe once a day. I wonder if I am doing enough, if I am being enough. I think that I should study even more, get another certificate. I think that I should have dressed up more for my man, last week when I had the chance. I think that I should earn even more because I sold the house I thought was my dream home, and I haven’t quite made enough for the next one.


Dear friends, I am one of the most contradictory women you will ever meet. Spontaneous, set in my ways. Aloof, deeply open. Loving, incredibly dismissive. Compassionate, cold. Motivated, passive. Inquisitive, apathetic.


My point?


My point is that amongst all of this, all of the idiosyncrasies and the personality deficiencies mixed right in with the chunks of gold, I have never had trouble finding a man. A man that accepts me for who I am. A man who rolls his eyes as I dance manically around the room, and who wipes my tears when I sit still, quietly contemplating my next move in life.


This is a message to all women trying constantly to present themselves as neatly packaged and perfect specimens of womanhood.


Do not dumb down your eccentricities. Do not quieten the storm that keeps your personality blowing wildly through this universe. Do not reject the feminine energy that has built your business empire, or the masculine energy that has stopped you giving up, or giving in. You are not too confident, but yes, you may be too confident for him. You are not too independent, but yes, you may be too confident for him. You are not too vulnerable, but yes, you may be too vulnerable for him.


And so, he is not the one.


Accept yourself. Raise your vibration. Attract the men waiting on that level. And then rise to the next one, together.

The challenge of asking and receiving in relationships

A lot of us are taught from a young age that we have to work for the things we want, that we have to work hard to reap the rewards we desire. In the same vein, we’re taught that if we don’t ask, we don’t get. And so, we come to understand that working hard is just one aspect of receiving, and that sometimes we also need to simply state our requirements.

So why is it, that when it comes to relationships, we have adopted the belief about hard work so spectacularly well – devastatingly so, and failed miserably at the part where we ask for what we want?

‘Relationships are hard work’

There are common phrases that will always abound, such as ‘relationships are hard work… marriage is hard work… love is hard work.’ I’m here to set a record straight for anyone who might assume that as a relationship expert, I might agree with this. I don’t. When you’re doing it right, relationships are smart work. It’s when we forget ourselves, forget our worth, our values, that it becomes hard work. The idea that you must work strenuously to achieve the sort of relationship you desire is missing the point entirely. If the set up is correct, meaning that if you have come at it from a place of high consciousness, awareness and emotional health, the focus will be on relationship maintenance. This is because you have done, or are doing, the hard work already, as individuals.

This is what is hard work

The hard work is in challenging why you still believe that love will only come to you if you bleed for it, if you work at being less than you are, less intimidating, less wealthy, less needy, less smart, less independent. The hard work is in establishing why receiving from a loved one, from the universe, from yourself, is something you even need to wrestle with.

Question; how hard have you made yourself work, do you make yourself work, in order to deserve your own love? Will you love yourself more at a particular weight, with a particular education, house, car? If these are the terms that you must live by, then of course convincing someone else to love you is going to be even tougher.


Ask, and ye shall receive

Excuse the catholic upbringing, but now as a student of the universe, I see that it really is that simple. In relationships, we have learned that asking means we are needy, desperate, pushy, unlady-like. In love we have learned that asking means we are putting pressure on lovers, that we are rejecting what has been offered, graced upon us, and that we are proving ourselves to be the spoiled, wanting-too-much-woman a man has always tried to avoid.

We believe that to make ourselves worth it, deserving of things, we need to make ourselves better, always and in all ways. We must make sure our hair and nails are always on point, we must be the correct physical proportions, the right level of vulnerable, so that we are able to handle our own bills, home, career… but not so well that we are threatening.

And so when the desired relationship eludes us, we focus on the best hints, the best tips, tricks, disguises offered to get it. Very few of us, are able to simply stand still and ask the question of a lover ‘Will you give me…?‘

So how about this?

If you’re someone who has issues with receiving, think about what you are happy to receive and then question why it is easier to accept this, than the other things you really want. Question what your heart most desires from love and how many times you have directly asked for it. Question when you have bitten your tongue, or changed your choices. Why is it that you are blocked in this way – and what have you done to change?


Is your negativity draining the people around you?

All of us, no matter how naturally chirpy, bubbly, light-hearted or fun, can go through moments of negativity. For some it’s confined to particular topics or situations, like work, relationships or our in-laws. For others, there is no rhyme or reason and it just depends on the day or mood we’re in. This is perfectly normal.

The kind of negativity to be discussed here is the more permanent type. The sort that has, for whatever reason, become engrained into someone’s personality and appears to seep into every fibre of their being. It can present itself as complaining, as being realistic, as being honest, or a whole host of other euphemisms they choose to use.

The question is, what type of person do you think you are, and would your closest friends and family agree? Is your own negativity part time, or do people see it as a full time character trait?



Let’s be clear, this is not about people who are truly going through difficult and negative times in their life. It’s about a state of being and communicating that takes little provocation or outside influence. It’s worth bearing in mind also, that negative people aren’t always aware of their behaviour. Rather than tell them, it can be easier for others to limit their time with them, or to avoid sensitive topics all together.


Getting to know yourself

If you’re not sure what people think of you, why not come right out and ask them? If this is far too direct for you, then there are also some signals you can look out for to get an idea of how friends or colleagues view you. If more than a few of the below statements resonate, or one does a lot, think about what it means and whether or not there are some changes you want to make to your behaviour.

  • People tell you things such as you’re so negative, or that you’re so hard on yourself or others
  • People often ask you if there were any good points to a story or experience you’re sharing
  • When listening to someone else’s experiences, they frequently need to remind you that it’s not a competition
  • Friends or family often try to have you focus on the different, positive side of a situation, rather than the story you’re telling or want to tell
  • People close to you frequently preface conversations with I need you to be positive
  • You have a reputation for being cynical or judgemental or lacking tact

Another way to check your own behaviour is to think about the last time you actually encouraged another adult to do something, told them they were capable, and that regardless of your own experiences or what you’ve heard, they have your full support.


How it feels for the people around you

To be on the receiving end of negativity is one of the most draining places to be. There are times when you’re literally able to feel the energy draining from your body and it can result in the desire to stop communication all together.

If you know people glaze over when you speak, sigh, or they become more and more withdrawn, start to pay attention to how you’re responding to the things they tell you. Recognise if you’re one of these people who only moves between outright negativity and the low tones of oh, good luck with that.

Practice being excited for someone – practice stepping outside your view of how terrible or complicated everything is.


Different lives, different perceptions

There are some people with lives that unfortunately seem to warrant the amount of negativity they emit into the world. They’re used to being let down or things rarely going their way. Whilst empathy may be your first port of call, be careful for your own sake how much of it you give away.

Some people aren’t satisfied with sharing their perceptions of the world and are actively waiting for company in their negativity. Some even pretend that their view is fact or the norm and that you’re simply yet to experience the truth of life that they have. If you’re a generally positive person then don’t buy it. Spot it quickly and protect yourself as much as you need to.


How to keep your relationship private, without it being a secret

Article commissioned by Macbeth Matchmaking

For clients enveloped in the world of over-zealous journalists and the desperation of newspapers to provide sensationalist headlines, privacy is one of the biggest concerns they have. As with the rest of the population, entering into new relationships can be a rollercoaster of emotions, both daunting and exciting all in the same instant. The added pressure however of having your new situation tainted by the possibility of excessive exposure can trigger unhealthy levels of self-protection. As a means to pre-empt and understand what is healthy and what is not, you’ll need to learn to distinguish the sometimes deceptive line between privacy and secrecy.


The difference

Regardless of how well-known or not that you are, everyone values privacy around something in their life. Reasons can vary from simply not liking to be asked questions, to embarrassment about certain subjects or trying to protect yourself and loved ones. Secrecy on the other hand, is a whole different ball game.


Aside from birthday surprises, gifts or other glorious life events we find so hard to keep to ourselves, secrets tend to result from fear. It can be a fear of being viewed in a certain light, fear of losing your reputation, or of being openly confronted with things you’re not ready to deal with publicly.


Why do you need either?

Ask yourself, why do you want your relationship to be private? Asking this basic question as often as possible, and answering as honestly as possible, will stop any thoughts you have from becoming unchallenged habits. Left undefined and unchecked, privacy can quickly turn into secrecy, and self-awareness is the only way to stay consciously connected to your relationship goals.


When it comes to dating there is a natural tendency to want to see how things progress before sharing news with loved ones or the world. If your aim is to love and date with minimum interference and outside opinion, then this can be a really positive choice and experience to have. Even when it gets to the point where your private times are happening in public places, it helps to remember that between the two of you there is little that need change. Whilst this may seem easier said than done, like everything else worth working for, there are tools and strategies that can be developed to help you achieve it.


Fear of the fall out from exposure, or the presumptions of others, will encourage the quickest detour into secrecy. Before, or even as this is happening, be sure it’s a road you want to take. Hardship doesn’t automatically mean you should hide away. If you do, it may mean you start making choices based around what is most unlikely to get you noticed, instead of around what your relationship or life actually needs in order to progress.


Secrecy: what’s the worst that could happen?

Asking yourself, what is the absolute worst case scenario if people find out about my relationship? can take a lot of pressure off decisions you’ve been making based around fear. Whether it’s that your children will find out before you’re ready to tell them, or that people will get hurt, there are clearly situations where privacy is necessary. However, avoid secrecy by giving them an expiry date. It can be at a particular milestone, or what you consider to be a suitable length of time.


When a relationship becomes more about the fear of exposure than the desire for togetherness, something will begin to erode away. Fear takes more from us and will burn us out far quicker than love ever could, and you’ll end up creating your own alternate version of the worst thing that could happen.


The long-term impact of secrecy

Whilst maintaining privacy can really strengthen a relationship, secrecy can be detrimental. Privacy can be gracefully cultivated and comes with a certain amount of respect. It means you deal with issues internally within the relationship, you learn who you can trust and are careful not to dilute the power between yourselves with the opinions or actions of others.


Secrecy is a weight around a couple’s neck, however light it may start out, it is still there with the potential to grow. It is based on fear and so is the perfect breeding ground for more of it, whether that’s abuse in all its forms or simple stagnation when trying to move forwards.


If you’re ever in doubt as to whether your relationship, or elements of it, are private or secret, go into yourself and check on how the issue makes you feel. Does it weigh down your heart, or give it peace?


Opening up

As mentioned above, when it comes to new love you should have some personal and joint milestones with your partner. This can be as simple as your first public appearance, your first introductions to children or staying at each other’s homes and vacationing together. Giving yourself milestones is a useful cue to keep tabs on whether the relationship is going in the direction you hope for.


Milestones will alert you also to when what perhaps began as privacy, morphs into secrecy. For example, a partner who after a year has not yet officially confirmed your relationship or who will not introduce you to their friends, may have different reasons to what you originally believed.


It’s easy to be swept along from one state to the other, so a good piece of relationship maintenance is knowing when what you were originally protecting has in any way changed, or needs to be re-evaluated. Does the relationship or any element of it still need protecting, or can you now let go and move your energy to something else? Look out for signs of when you can let loose the reigns or make boundaries more flexible.


At a time when images and both real and fake news are so easily shared across social media, the last thing people want is a new situation ruined before even the honeymoon period is over. This being said, take care to not let fear slip in and overtake a budding relationship. Be sure of everything that truly needs to be private, work through any fears involved in secrets and focus on the experience you are having, not other people’s assessment of it.

Why people cheat – a thought for today


When it comes to infidelity, it’s natural for us to first think about how it’s different depending on the gender of the person doing the cheating. We’re also influenced by our ethnic backgrounds and the cultures we’re part of, meaning that further distinctions are made about why cheating happens and the damage it causes.


What very few of us do is look for commonalities or shared experiences of what it is for a person to cheat on another. We divide and categorise the human race in the hope that by separating and labelling people, we’ll whittle life down to a simplicity that is more manageable to understand, accept and live with.


So here’s a thought: what is more useful perhaps is to consider the reason why us humans, as a whole, have issues with infidelity and then to focus on addressing this, rather than topics of gender, race or anything else an individual has no hand in.


If we look at the needs we all have, for significance, attention, security, power, love and the reasons behind self-harm, low self-esteem, low-awareness, addiction and dishonesty, we’re more able to discuss issues from a place of compassion rather than judgement. With compassion comes the space for true understanding. The results may not be as easy to accept, but it gives us the tools to truly enhance and aid our connection with each other.

I’m dating a king, and you better know it


If there’s one path in life that I’ve been able to follow with minimal fear, it has to the one of relationships. There may have been hesitations or doubts, but fear, no. From the very start of my dating life there’s been what you may call an internal compass. I’ve always respected the line between the synchronicity I share with a potential partner and the reality of being with them. I’ve never for a second doubted my self-worth, nor underestimated that of the person I chose to sleep with at night.


I’m not saying it’s been an easy ride, not in the slightest. There has been immeasurable pain and times I made decisions that floored everything I thought was holding my life, our lives, together. I can honestly say however, that I have never entered a union that wasn’t utterly glorious – in its love, its lessons and indeed its pain.


I can also say, with my hand on my heart, that I have only ever dated kings.


To fully understand this, you need to understand what it means to give in a relationship. You also need to know and be fully conscious of what your own quiet and dignified sense of self-worth requires. There’s no way you can live within your worth and not acknowledge that the person you’re with isn’t, by default, someone very special. And if they’re not, there will be personal issues you need to address about yourself.


I consider it my job in a relationship to daily remind my partner, that he is loved, beautiful, respected, appreciated and backed by a heart that will not let him know any less, even in his weakest moments. Dating a king, for me, means kisses on the lips, candle-lit dinners, being the lover, the friend, the carer. It’s a level of love and attention that would be exhausting, if it weren’t for the fact that it is reflected back, tenfold. When two people stand in their power and are continuously encouraged to do so by one another, there is a circle of unity so strong that where it begins and ends is unidentifiable.


What you accept in life, in your relationships, your friendships, your work connections, will always be a direct reflection of how you view yourself and your life at that moment in time. How you treat people will always say more about you than it does them.  So, when you invite someone into the magnificence that you are, let them know how much you value yourself by showing them how special they must have been to get the job.


It’s been my view, my unwavering rule, that if I’m to date a man, share my life with him, then by default he must be nothing less than what I consider royalty. Why would a person, who truly values themselves, be with anyone less?


Love, in High Definition

When a certain level of success is achieved in life it’s natural to seek out pleasures as a reward. In the times that we now live, those rewards can range from a triple venti caramel macchiato at Starbucks, to hiring a super yacht and holidaying on Necker Island. Frequently, the way in which we indulge ourselves involves little more than a monetary transaction, as simple as a phone call or email. But what happens when the upgrade we desire isn’t for the diamond with more carats or the expanded home cinema? What happens in the world of dating, when we want to elevate our love lives from grainy, to High Definition?


Laying the groundwork

Anyone in business knows that when the work is easy, it still requires effort. And when it is difficult, it requires even more. Accessing true love is much the same and the more effort invested in the groundwork, the better the outcome. Not only do you have to know what you want, you have to make sure you’re ready to receive it.


The realisation that techniques from the world of acquiring material items don’t readily translate into the world of love can be frustrating, especially if expecting the best is your default setting. In relationships, the way we experience love will always be dependent on the beliefs and habits we live our life by, and they can oftentimes be a direct reflection of what’s buried deep in our unconscious. In order to achieve a standard of love equal to any external luxury surrounding us, it’s necessary to first travel inwards.


To start the process, take an inventory of:

  • who you are as a person, your passions, ethics, beliefs
  • how people, that you trust, would describe you
  • the places you spend your time and the people you spend it with
  • the general life you live


The next step is to mentally ask these same questions of your theoretical ideal partner. If they’re someone who is quietly refined, spends a lot of time at home and wants a family life, how will this work if you spend all of your time in loud bars and you favour the nightlife over intimate dinners at home with loved ones?


By looking at anomalies between the life you live now and the life you want, you can begin making changes and addressing the reasons you’re so out of sync with your ideal mate. Preparing your mind and your physical world for the type of relationship you wish to be part of is as important, more so in fact, than preparing your matchmaking profile or online headshots. To get your best match you need to be your best match, or at be least working towards it.


The building blocks

Once you’ve done the self-analysis and work necessary to experience the fulfilling love you desire, it’s possible to begin building a dating life with a much clearer insight into your true compatibility with partners. Whether your goals are marriage and children or cohabitation and lavish holidays, the basis for success is knowing and articulating your intentions, both what they are and are not.


Really listening to and believing a potential partner’s goals is also paramount in creating a love that will trump all else. Beginning a relationship with clearly different agendas, in the hope that one of you will change your mind, is a recipe for disappointment. Accept what you are presented with, any change in your favour is a bonus.


For love that contents your soul and becomes a source of respite and relaxation, as well as growth and stimulation, your partnership must be built on honesty and awareness. In the early stages and throughout, it’s vital to talk often, to make honesty one of your non-negotiables, and to consistently make the effort to remain emotionally, physically and mentally in sync. It sounds like a lot, but relationships are about how we interact with each other and people are changeable beings, so loving one another requires a certain amount of conscious effort. The rewards you’ll receive from taking the time to do this are immeasurable.


Maintaining love

The idea of maintaining love is as much about renewing it, as it is about looking after everything that has already been established. To keep it fresh and also challenging in a positive way, you need to understand and accept that you can never fully know another person. This means that as deep as you go, as much as you share and as much as you communicate, there will always be new nuances to discover about them.


It’s very easy to get to a comfortable emotional level with our partner, one which leads us to believe that we know and have all the answers we need. However, love is about continually wanting to know someone and be known by them. Always make this a goal, no matter how many years roll by.


The other type of maintenance required is that of making sure bad habits do not go unchecked. Like anything of value, in order to keep love performing at its best it needs to be gently dusted off once in a while, preferably before the need for a major steam clean arises. Common habits we slip into include; not giving each other the full attention we once did, spending less time alone as a couple or favouring the art of ‘making up,’ rather than not repeatedly making the mistake in the first place.


Loving and being loved to the best of one’s ability takes discipline and must not be treated like another disposable acquisition, or a stand-in until the next best thing comes along. Once love has been found and accepted, the responsibility cannot be handed over to therapists, housemaids or security guards. It is ours to look after, ours and our partner’s.

Would you really recognise your soulmate?

Soulmates are seen as the epitome of partners, the people we’re destined to be with and with whom a relationship will flow more easily than with others. But do we really know what we’re talking about when we focus our energies on this abstract word, rather than more defined and practical terms? Soulmate or not, what does it matter if a partner gives you everything you need?


What’s your personal definition of a soulmate?

Most of us who have been in relationships are very clear about the things we’re not looking for and the experiences we don’t want to repeat. The way for things not to work can be so deeply ingrained in us that we fail to see it’s all we’re focusing on, and thus in turn attracting. Really, when searching for a new partner, you need to think about the opposite of what you don’t want. What are the actual qualities you foresee your future partner having? Are they kind, generous, funny, supportive?


Don’t smother this person in a neat little box labelled soulmate. Open it up and work out what that word really means for you.


How important is looks and physical attraction?

As much as looks are sometimes classed as a superficial factor in love, being attracted physically to your partner is crucial. This in no way means you must find them irresistible, it means that at very least their smile, their eyes or the confidence with which they walk is something you never tire of seeing. There are many industries now that would have us believe we all need to be as physically perfect as we can, in every way. The reality is that soulmates are as much about challenging our view of the world as they are about enhancing it. They may not look perfect, but the lesson they provide could be.


The danger of having a very strong and rigid focus on looks is that you become blind to love that shows up with red hair instead of the blond you wanted, or with white skin instead of the brown you’re used to. Be clear about your must-haves, and your nice-to-haves, but be

even clearer when making them conditions for love.


What does your soulmate want?

When discussing soulmates, it’s very rare to hear people talk about the needs of that person. How your soulmate treats you and others is of course vital to know, but give them the courtesy of considering their needs too. This should be a key factor in your quest for love.


It’s natural to a certain extent for people to focus on their own desires, but thinking about how we treat our soulmate can be an extremely worthwhile exercise. Thinking ahead will not only prepare you, but also highlight changes you need to make and ways you need to grow and develop yourself. For example, you could find that your soulmate wants to be loved unconditionally and will want to know they’re your number one priority. You may then look at your seventy-hour working week and realise that you’re not yet a match to provide this person with what they need. It gives you a choice then to either make a change, or re-evaluate what your heart is asking for.


How does your soulmate treat other people?

Along with being consumed with how we want to be treated, we can forget how we want our soulmate to treat the other people they come into contact with. This needs to extend beyond relationships which are immediately beneficial to us, i.e. with our children or our parents and friends. How does your soulmate treat people who earn less than them, people who upset or anger them, staff who wait on them or strangers in distress? Get as rounded a picture of your future beau as you can, and when they show up never underestimate the power of watching them interact with others.


The reality of searching for a soulmate

People with ambition and standards will always attempt to get the best out of situations they’re presented with, and this includes looking for someone to share their life. If finding a soulmate is the pinnacle of your love ambition, it’s important you know the reality of it, as well as the very attainable happy-ever-after.


The reality is that having and knowing your romantic soulmate does not automatically mean a blissful forever love. It is entirely possible to be incompatible, on any as yet unknown level, with your soulmate. This could be either in the long or even the short term. You may be wonderfully suited mentally or emotionally, but they may also come with the small children you never wanted, the desire to emigrate that you don’t share, or an unwillingness to commit in the way that you have always dreamt about.


Remember that soulmates are not just lovers we marry and spend the rest of our lives with, they are also our friends. They are people we come across in our daily lives and not all are suitable for love. Even when they are, it takes more than being a soulmate to sustain romantic relationships, so have better, clearer, more defined goals to help you.

Relationships of convenience – how to spot them

Relationships, both business and personal, can be tricky to navigate. There are the relationships in your life that know no bounds, there are those that have clear limitations and then others which are very obviously based on little more than convenience. In between all of these of course are the variables, but if you look hard enough you’ll know to which category they belong.


Recently, I was sent a message by someone I haven’t spoken to in a long while. I wouldn’t call them a friend, more of an acquaintance with whom I share the same social circle. What I found really interesting about seeing their name in my inbox was that on more than one occasion I’d reached out to them and received zero response.


From my recollection I’d said a simple hello or asked how they were.  I may have even asked for a catch up, but I wasn’t too fussed about not hearing back.  People are busy, sometimes they forget to respond or are dealing with more important things in their life. I’ve been there, I understand, hence brushing it off and not giving it a second thought. Yet now I had in my inbox, under the guise of real friendship, a request for help that would have taken up a considerable amount of my time and efforts.


Frankly, I was a little surprised at both the transparency and boldness of it.


Most of us have experienced relationships with people who only surface when they need something, but occasionally the pattern is so engrained in our relationships or we’re so used to being treated this way that we don’t recognise it for what it is. Once aware of it, it can take people years to take a true stand, to call out those who matter to us or cut ties with those who don’t so much. Sometimes however, and as you get to know yourself and your worth more, those years turn into just one or two occasions before you’re wise to it and take action.


How powerful and beautiful an affirmation this is of the value you place on your self-worth and time.


If you want to become more astute at recognising and dealing with those who don’t your value relationship for the right reasons, there are some tips worth remembering:


– If someone asks for your help and you doubt whether you want to give it, understand that it’s not necessarily about your failing as a friend or colleague. It can sometimes be a true reflection of the relationship and what you believe is appropriate or would be reciprocated.


– Never feel pressured into doing something for a friend or a colleague that you don’t want to do. However, always understand the implications it will have on your friendship and take responsibility for any outcomes.


– Be watchful over those who always show up with an agenda. For example, they want to borrow money, drown their sorrows or need a ride. Whether they’re aware of it or not makes no difference, once you are – put a stop to it.


– Distance yourself from those who repeatedly are unresponsive to or belittle your own needs, but who have their own (often complex) that they expect you to meet.


It’s really important to know your place in relation to those who surround you. Using the guise of friendship or care, simply to get what you want is low, especially if you’ve had the chance to develop a real relationship ahead of time. Check-in with the friends you care about, maintain relationships with colleagues you value. Sometimes we burn bridges without even realising and before we know it, we’re on the other side of the phone wondering why no one is responding.

7 tips for when you’ve moved on and someone can’t accept it

We have all, in one way or another, at some time or another, moved on with our lives. It could be leaving behind an old way of thinking, behaving or moving on from certain people and situations. It can be easy to do, and it can be the hardest thing in the world to do, especially when there remain around you people who are intent on keeping you rooted in the old version of yourself. The version they alone are happy and familiar with.

When you are faced with this predicament, you should remember that honesty and directness will go far in limiting confusion and misinterpretation. You’re not always duty-bound to explain the decisions you make, but when you do feel you must, there are definitely good and bad ways of going about it. Some quick tips below:

  • You need to be really clear with those around you about how you’re different, why and what it means for your relationship with them.
  • Silence can be a fuel, so when you skirt issues, are vague or become primarily concerned with people’s reactions to your truth, you’re simply fuelling any reason they have to fear your decision.
  • Make no apologies for your actual choices, but express empathy at their hurt or upset if it’s genuine for you to do so.
  • Don’t load yourself up with their grief, acknowledge it from a distance.
  • Focus on what your new situation needs for it to be successful.
  • Burning bridges isn’t always necessary. Sometimes they just need to be dismantled and the pieces stacked away in a place you rarely visit.
  • Disengage from conversations intended to punish or shame you for your choice. Do not be a vessel for someone else’s issues or fears. But remain open-hearted, lest you become like them.