Love has a strange habit sometimes, of providing us with everything we want, whilst simultaneously calling for us to deny what we need the most.
I’m talking now about when you’re in love, comfortable, in a dedicated relationship. So dedicated, that you’ve decided to spend the rest of your life with him – that partner who just so happens to want a life fundamentally different from the future your heart envisions.
When motherhood beckons, what do you if you’re in love with a man who doesn’t want to be a father, ever, again, or any time soon?
Which is it?
Firstly, you should have a very clear idea of why he doesn’t want children. Here are some:
“Been there, done that” He has kids already, has done the 2am feeds, and isn’t interested in repeating.
“I’m not ready” He wants children, he thinks, but just at some obscure time in the future.
“My childhood was awful, I would be a bad father.” He hasn’t dealt with his own childhood traumas.
“I’ve just never wanted to be a father.” He simply has zero desire to have children.
The reasons that a man may not want children will vary incredibly and it’s necessary to be clear that it’s not always because he’s selfish, immature or short-sighted. As strong as your desire is to bring life into the world, the desire not to do so is just as valid.
I listed some of the common reasons for not wanting children to illustrate that there is nothing unique about them. I’ve done it to show that in instances like this, YOU need to be the one that is unique. YOU have to create a situation that is unique and which honours YOUR heartfelt desires.
A way you can do this is to ask yourself some serious and blunt questions:
1) If you had to go through the pain of a breakup, but were guaranteed love and a child at the other end, would you leave him?
2) If you wake up at 50 and the relationship has ended, will you resent him, or regret not having children?
3) Are you staying with him, giving up on your dream to have children, because you fear losing love and doubt it can be attained again, with someone who wants the same thing?
4) If you had known at the start of your relationship that he did not want children, would you have invested in it so heavily, or even begun it?
The choice ladies, is not between your partner and motherhood. It is between the comfort of everything you have now and your uncertainty in the belief of what might be.
Work on that uncertainty, before it really is too late.
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