Is he the love of your life?

My partner asked me, am I love of your life?

I answered him back, I don’t know yet, ask me at the end of it.

In former years I probably would have said yes, simply because I when I love, I love really hard.  I don’t waste time with men who are less than the guy before. It follows then, that I would view whoever I was dating, as the love of my life.

I am now however, far more conscious about how I describe love, how I attribute value to it, or label the experience I’m having.  I believe this happens when we know what it is to lose love, when we know the twists and turns deep love can take, and when forever turns into a quantifiable number of years, capped with the word closure.

I now live with the accepting, comfortable realisation that no matter how in love I am, however long it has lasted, or how deep it has flowed… it is possible to go deeper. Much deeper. It is possible to love in different directions, more widely, more keenly. It is possible for past lovers, in present moments, to seem an odd choice, when shadowed by the glorious glow of a new relationship.

And so I won’t fool myself or my partner. I will say that currently, you are one of my greatest loves, that this is better than what I have ever had, than what I’ve known so far.

But I don’t know how long we will remain, if we will.

I hope we do.

I hope you are my eternal sunrise.  The beautiful eclipse on all my other moons.

But if we fall, for whatever reason, I still know who I am.  And I know, that I will dive even deeper, the next time.

 

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