You’re allowed to say “no”

In some situations, possessing a strong sense of self is needed purely to reflect back the insecurities others attempt to place on you, or have you absorb. For example, there was a period in my life when I was completely teetotal. In social settings the discomfort this evoked in others, as I ordered a soft drink, was palpable. It was the realisation I believe, that rather than being an ally, a co-conspirator or even co-escapee in their departure from reality, I would in fact become something they viewed as dangerous.

At best, I was a witness to their compulsion to withdraw from themselves, and at worst I was proof – in their imagination – of how weak they must be, to not be able to hold and bear the reality of life, as I could in that moment – and enjoy myself to boot.

Of course, whichever scenario was accurate would be mere projection on their part. Some people drink because they enjoy the taste of alcohol, others because they enjoy intoxication, or both. That they need a companion is telling of their true relationship to it. At that stage in my life, I chose not to drink because there was neither the need nor desire in me. Now I do drink however, and I couldn’t care less if you’re having one too.

Awkward moments, such as what I’ve described above, can sometimes still occur; if I’m at a party let’s say (rare) and I don’t have any particular interest in dancing. Whilst I’m sure it would please certain people to see me up and moving, it in fact pleases me to sit and watch. So I’m sorry for you if that makes you uncomfortable. Any assertion or interpretation that perhaps I’m a little too reserved, or flat out boring, only demonstrates a lack of comprehension on your part. It’s truly unfortunate to have the inability to understand, or indeed appreciate, that another human being’s different experience can still be fulfilling for them.

To project your own discomfort at another’s capacity to be still, quiet, sober, content, different, irrespective of how you are choosing to live your own life, is the tell-tale sign of a soul in need of elevation and mind in need of work.



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